AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MAIN
CHARACTER OF THE NEW ZAC EFRON MOVIE
published April 17,
now playing nationwide
I don’t know you. We’ve never met. But I’m
your best friend at the moment. You need to trust me.
Let’s say I had the opportunity that you
were given – to relive my life starting at 17 years old, when I was a basketball star who looked like Zac Efron. Do you think I would hang
around high school trying to figure out how to get back into my crumpled middle-aged post-Friends
Matthew Perry existence? Or am I scoring with all the cheerleaders all over again? Or in my case, for the first time.
I know it’s your family, Mike. And I
understand the whole family values thing. But let’s cut the sentimentality. Be honest—the reason that you’re not involved in your family’s
life is that they basically stink.
Your son (Sterling Knight) is a worthless
high school putz. Your daughter (Michelle Trachtenberg) is a promiscuous floozy giving tongue baths to a psychopathic boyfriend. Then there’s
your weak-willed wife (Leslie Mann) being dragged around by her man-hating best friend. Remind me again, why do you want to get back into this
whole thing? Just count your blessings. And if that high school janitor/spirit guide of yours meanly decides to flip you back to 37, you still
should be happy about the divorce. Just look at the alimony and child support as the cost of doing business. Pay the money and run,
So, I don’t blame your best friend (Thomas Lennon) for being such a Star-Wars obsessed loon. I mean, sure, he’s always been a
socially awkward dork. But relative to the rest of the people in your life, wearing plastic elf ears seems relatively normal. And he’s kinda
funny and has cool light sabers around the house. If I were in your life, I would probably be descending into fantasy fiction,
kevinbowen @ stageandcinema.com